Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
