omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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