I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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