Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
