just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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