Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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