he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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