im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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