i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
