can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
