Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
