I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
