there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
