Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
