Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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