My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
