A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
