im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
