I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
