We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
