Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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