hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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