The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
