My first STD was from a foam party
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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