It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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