I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
