I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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