I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
