I must be too annoying 4 u.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
