i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
