She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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