Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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