So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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