Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
