I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
