Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
