ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
