You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
