So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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