At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
