Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
