I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
