i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
