I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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