dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think my moral compass just broke
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
