At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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