my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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