can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
