I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
