You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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