I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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