i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
