When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
