so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
