So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
