God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
