What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
being pregnant is like rehab
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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