It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
