in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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