i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
