i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
