I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
