Pappa wants mamma naked
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
