let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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