OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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