im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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