You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
