Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize