I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
