ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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