do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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