What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
