Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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