I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
