I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
