Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
