Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
