You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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