I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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