never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
