I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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