Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.