we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
