So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.