clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel