My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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